Shared Spaces

I received my first commission. Well, I should say we received a commission. It was my first commission, but not my brother’s.

My brother and I were invited to create a painting together for a new office space in Toronto. The theme was caregiving and the sibling bond. I wasn’t sure about this invitation at first and needed time to think it over.

In the last couple of years, I have been experiencing an existential crisis about who I am in this world. For nearly a decade, I have identified primarily as a sister to a disabled man and his caregiver. It hasn’t required much effort to shape this identity because it is my reality—and an overwhelming one at that. It has consumed me.

One day, someone I love and respect, who has known me inside and out for nearly 30 years, said to me, “Maybe that doesn’t have to be your primary story.”

The truth she spoke at that moment shocked me.

“Maybe that doesn’t have to be your primary story.”

I didn’t always tell that story about myself. While I haven’t always been a caregiver, I have always been the sister of a disabled man. It was never front and center like it is now. What story did I used to tell about myself? If I don’t have this story, what story is left?

I decided to sign up for the diploma program at art school for many reasons; one of them was to find a new narrative through art.

My brother has been an artist for a long time. His work is beautiful, vibrant, and expressive.

Paul’s varied art works

I wasn’t sure how we would be able to work together to co-create this commission. We have never painted together, and the theme and canvas size were larger than we were used to. I also wasn’t sure how we could co-create in a balanced way.

I worried that the new story I am creating for myself would be lost—that I would once again be focused on being the sister and caregiver of a disabled man.

In the end, it turned out to be a case of far too much navel-gazing on my part. We had a great experience and we (mostly) worked well together. I think our end result is quite charming.

“Shared Spaces”, Acrylic on Canvas 18 x 24, 2024 by Paul Knoll and Helen Ries 

Through this commission, I learned that my stories aren’t as siloed and distinct as I once thought. The primary narrative I have been telling is rooted in my everyday reality, but I am crafting new stories that I am folding into this primary narrative.

All my stories can be woven together and crisscross in amazing ways.