Square One

Reflections, Acrylic on Paper, 8 x 8, 2024 by Helen Ries

Two years ago I enrolled in the diploma program at our local art school. I first went to this same art school when I was a kid, for summer camp. I can’t really remember it but I do remember the smell of warm lino and paint. 

Now 45 years later, I am back studying part time, a diploma in fine art. 

Returning to art school was more challenging than I had anticipated. It wasn't the art itself, though that is certainly demanding. It was something else entirely. 

Throughout my career, I have accumulated experience, knowledge, and, dare I say, some wisdom. This is how I earned my titles and income. For many of us, this is how our professional lives unfold with the pursuit of better titles, more complex work, and bigger incomes. Our professions shape our identity and how others perceive us. When we introduce ourselves, our profession orients others to who we are and our social value.

At this stage, I feel seasoned, proficient in my professional role and valued. Yet, when I walked through the front door of art school, none of that mattered. I was back to square one.

I found myself in classes with people 30 or more years younger than me. Many of them were already very talented, having just graduated high school with countless hours of art practice. The dynamic accomplishments in my life and career, the accolades, and the achievements—all of it meant nothing in this space. Introducing myself in class was a chore. How do I explain who I am and why I am here? What part of that story truly matters, if anything?

I am still searching for a meaningful way to sum up the answers to these questions and explain myself succinctly.

This experience is a huge slice of humble pie that has taken two years to eat, and I am not sure I am finished. 

Thankfully, I have met others like me—those who are back at school in mid-life, also starting from the beginning or close to it. We don't really know each other's professional backgrounds, but we have learned to sit comfortably together and share our art school journeys, with only small pieces of our past lives woven into our connections. It is incredibly refreshing.  

My journey through art school is far from over. I have a long time yet to work on rediscovering my identity through creative expression. Fellow students and instructors push me to see the world through fresh eyes. I feel I am constantly evolving and finding new ways to express who I am and connect with others.