Finding Ganesha
A statue of Ganesha
photo credit: Helen Ries
Whitewater canoeing has been my passion for a long time. Although I have never been particularly good at it, I find it thrilling to navigate obstacles like rocks, rapids and drops as I bump down a river on a sunny day. Unfortunately, an ankle break a few years ago has kept me from spending much time in my canoe so I decided it was time to brush up on some skills.
Canoeing at MKC
The place I like to practice is behind a dingy shopping mall outside of Montreal. The water that flows through the course is straight from the St. Lawrence River; clear and cold. Despite being behind a dingy mall, the water always feels fresh and clean.
Given how out of practice I am, I thought I better start off in the flatwater section. As I was doing some figure eights in a quiet pool of water, I spotted a chunk of plastic near the shoreline. I was disappointed, why would someone carelessly throw a chunk of plastic into this stretch of water? I went by it once, twice and then a third time. It was so unusually white, I decided to take an even closer look. When I reached for it, I realized it wasn’t a piece of plastic at all; it was a chunk of stone. When I pulled it out of the water I saw it was a statue of the Hindu god, Ganesha.
Ganesha is the elephant-headed deity widely revered in Hinduism. Despite my limited knowledge of Hindu gods, I know THIS god, and finding it took my breath away. Ganesha is known as the remover of obstacles and the god of beginnings.
“Ganesha is known as the remover of obstacles and the god of beginnings. ”
For as long as I can remember, I have been on the lookout for signs. When I find a sign it eases the anxiety that perpetually hums through my body. I find signs reassuring and give me the sense that I am connected to the broader universe and that I am being watched over.
Some might argue that these signs are more easily found if you have a relationship with God and I have made a sincere effort throughout my life to build such a relationship. As a child, I spent tedious mornings at Anglican Sunday school, listening to stories that made no sense to me. In early adulthood, I read book after book and took numerous courses, trying to understand the path of the Bodhisattva and I have spent hours lying in Savasana. Recently, I sought the counsel of an astrologer, and at one time, I sat in a Unitarian church, praying to no God at all. None of these experiences offered me the same connection as spotting a sign.
My signs include sparkles on water, a chickadee box brimming with babies, a garden blinking with fireflies, or a heart connection with a friend. These are the signs that soothe me and help me feel my life is on the right track.
Babies, Acrylic on Paper, 8 x 8, 2023 by Helen Ries
When I became the main caregiver to my brother, Paul, my diligence in looking for signs intensified. Nothing about becoming a caregiver made sense to me, and it was clearly not on the track I was supposed to be on. My life plans did not include my parents dying when they did and they certainly didn’t include me stepping into the overwhelming role of caregiver. Had I misread the signs in my life so far?
One of the hardest parts of being a caregiver is navigating countless obstacles and having seemingly no control over how life unfolds. I have supported Paul through very serious health crises that seemingly appeared out of nowhere. I am required to deal with disability services systems that offer nothing but extra work, punitive judgement, and insurmountable barriers. I have struggled to maintain my career and some level of income. I organise and orchestrate Paul’s busy life ensuring it is rich and meaningful, all while maintaining my own meaningful life, a loving partnership, and cherished friendships.
“One of the hardest parts of being a caregiver is navigating countless obstacles and having seemingly no control over how life unfolds.”
Since the pandemic, I have felt exhausted. For ten years I have been bumping up against obstacles as a caregiver and it has taken a toll. At one time, running up against obstacles would fuel my ferocity, now I feel bruised and disoriented. I am somehow more fragile and the well that holds what I am capable of, has shallowed.
When I awakened to this change in myself, I decided to work on a new path for my life. I wanted it to be gentler, fulfilling and focused in a fresh direction. Making life changes takes a lot of time and energy and it is never easy. Self-doubt often casts its grey shadow over my path.
Finding Ganesha in the river was a gift and the sign I have been hoping for. Ganesha symbolizes good luck, positive energy, overcoming difficulties and the start of a new path and so it is no accident he showed up for me in the river on a beautiful sunny day.
